aligned goal-setting

Let me start this post with a confession: 

I’m pretty good at ignoring my emotions, contorting my thoughts and ignoring what isn’t working in order to get something I want done, DONE. Why is this a confession? Because it’s not really how I want to live my life. One of my highest aspirations in life is to become exactly who I am and changing who I am in order for some kind of fleeting sense of accomplishment is just not doing it for me anymore. 

That’s why this year, at the start of this next decade, I’m committing to a new style of goal-setting. I’ve flirted with it before, but I feel ready now to really commit ;). Join me?

Let’s start with looking at how I used to do goal-setting.

The old goal-setting way: 

The old way of goal-setting starts with the goal in mind and works its way back. It essentially asks three questions: 

1- What do I want to have or accomplish? (HAVE)

2- What do I need to do to have or accomplish this? (DO) 

3- Who do I need to be to do what I need to do to have or accomplish this? (BE)

What’s good about this: 

 This old way is very effective… and I’m not done with it. It works amazing for anything in the external world where emotion doesn’t come into play. If I want to make a meal, I need to get a recipe, do what the recipe says and simply be attentive enough to do so. 

Where we can run into trouble: 

When we’re choosing life goals, what we really want is to feel a certain way. This is true whether we’re aware of it or not.

When we’re not aware of this, we’ll subconsciously pick goals that we think will lead us to feel a certain way. For instance, “If I make $100k this year, I’ll (finally) feel secure” or “If I buy this nice purse, I’ll (finally) feel expressed and respected” or “If I find the perfect partner, I’ll (finally) feel connected” or in my case: “If I write that book, I’ll (finally) feel wise and expressed”.  

 Then, chasing the goal (whether it’s money, accessories, love or accomplishment), we do what needs to be done, often putting a lot of pressure on ourselves, and then when the goal arrives, we have a few moments of feeling the way we want to feel, but the feeling passes and we chase the next goal. 

The New Goal-Setting Way

Ask the exact same questions, but in the reverse order. 

1- Who do I want to BE? // How do I want to FEEL?) 

2- What does this person DO? // What can I do to FEEL the way I want to feel? 

3- Doing these things, what does that lead me to HAVE? // If I feel & do these things, what does that lead me to HAVE? 

What’s good about this

We get to feel the way we want to feel so much more frequently, because it’s our primary focus!  There’s an empowerment to this as well, because shifting a feeling is WAY quicker to do than shifting a reality. It also allows us to take the pressure off and have way more fun on the way to our inevitable accomplishments. I think this is the best part: we still get to have what we want to have, it’s just not the focus. 

Let’s use the examples above again. I focus on feeling secure, it leads me to make better choices when it comes to the spending of my time and money, it leads me to more money in my bank account. (For guidance on this, check out Money Manifestation Month) I focus on my self-expression and respect, I feel these feelings daily, I perhaps purchase a less expensive purse that is a total expression of my style, but that I don’t need to command respect because that oozes out of me because of my vibrational work. I focus on connection, I fill up on love from all sides. My relationships all improve and someone introduces me to my future partner that I can totally receive because I’m already feeling so full. (For guidance on this, check out Love Manifestation Month). If I focus on feeling wise and expressed daily, I may journal more, meditate more, and the book I want to write may simply flow out of me. 

When we have the feelings we want, the doing simply flows out of us and the having becomes inevitable.

What’s not good about this:

I wouldn’t recommend using this method for very mechanical things. I don’t care about what my dental work will make my dentist feel. I care that he does it in the best possible way for my mouth. That said, he could still focus on how he wants to feel daily in his work and let that inform his relationships with his clients ;). 

Over to you

Who do YOU want to be? How do YOU want to feel?

It’s super helpful to sum up this quality of being or these feelings in 1 to 3 words.

These are easy to remember. With more, it becomes easy to lose track.

 Want more?

To use this method to create more money, more love or to feel better in your life, I invite you to check out Money Manifestation Month, Love Manifestation Month and Body Love Manifestation Month.