.“Love, love, love. All you need is love” – John Lennon
Love is a basic human need. As infants, we may literally cannot survive without it. As adults, we crave it deeply. Yet… most of us manage to block it in some way. Is it because “love is pain?”, is it because love is some dangerous game? It doesn’t have to be. I love how Gay Hendricks puts it:
“It is not love that is to blame. But each of us has resistance to the very love we desire. We also have resistance to the space and independence we need. So we go back and forth, not letting ourselves have one or the other.” – Gay Hendricks
… so what if you could have both?
Love + intimacy and space + independence?(Love Manifestation Month helps you CREATE this reality. Click here for more info).Let’s get started by examining four subconscious blocks to inviting more love into our lives.
Love Blocker #1: “I’m unlovable”
This tricky little belief is responsible for so much pain and suffering. Like all beliefs, this one likes to lurk in the shadows and make sure it gets confirmed. Because love is such a core need, the trying to prove that we are somehow impossible to love sets us up for difficulty: We are starved for it + We are subconsciously making sure we prove we can’t have it.
What this looks like
- Hiding your true self.
The logic goes: “if I show yourself as I am, I will be rejected”. This can lead you to working hard to project something you’re not: obsessing about your appearance, to keeping secrets, to twisting the truth & lying. It can also lead you to try to become invisible all together, hiding in clothes that don’t fit, not going out, swatting away compliments and generally freaking out as soon as you’re seen or appreciated.
- Accepting being treated badly.
The logic goes: “I’m unlovable, so I can’t ask for much. I should be content with what I have. If I leave, nobody else will love me” or “I’m not such a great person myself. I deserve this”.
How to heal this
There’s no sense sugar coating it: this one takes work. I truly believe that the healing path looks different for each person and sometimes you need to throw everything you’ve got at it. This is one of these cases: Get the rose quartz, do the gratitude lists, do meditation, do inner child work, get reiki, find an amazing therapist, … do all the things… it is infinitely worth it to learn to believe the truth: you are an infinitely lovable and worthy being.
For myself, taking an energy healing perspective has been immensely healing.First of all, through Reiki: it’s a healing energy that is essentially LOVE. Showering ourselves with this energy daily tunes our energy to love. (Learn Reiki here). It was hard for me at first. I had lots of blocks.Second, more generally, energy healing encourages us to see everything as energy: vibrating information and a human being as a complex system DOING ITS BEST. The thing we believe make us unlovable then becomes a simple vibrating information, something trying its best for us.With that perspective we can learn to love it AND help to transform it.
(This is what my deep dives are all about helping you apply).How Love Manifestation Month helps you heal
We are tackling this belief from all sides. We are addressing shame, we are exploring forgiving ourselves for being fallible human beings, we are learning inner child healing, we are healing boundaries and we are claiming who we are and learning to speak our truth. The whole program is designed to help this belief dissolve, while giving you the tools to heal the next 3 blocks.
Learn more here. Love Blocker #2: “I’m afraid of getting hurt”
I don’t know about you, but after every heart break I thought I’d never be able to love again. The
pain! Emotional, physical, spiritual… I did keep my heart shut for some time. I stopped myself from getting vulnerable. I withdrew from anyone trying to get too close. This one is so natural. Yet, healing is also natural. When we build a wall to block pain, we end up also blocking love.
What this looks like
- Building a wall
When you build an energetic wall between you and others (to protect yourself), you often keep more than just the intended energy out. Instead of only keeping out pain, you also keep out connection, intimacy and love. This leads to loneliness.
- Resisting being vulnerable
By definition, vulnerability means opening yourself to potential pain (and, research shows, to potential connection). Resisting vulnerability looks like “always having everything figured out”, never needing help and preferring to withdraw from difficult conversations rather than facing them head on.
- Justifying with judgment
The fear of being hurt is such a strong one in our systems, that it can build justifications with time. These justifications can sound like “All the good ones are taken”, “I’m with the wrong person”, or using trivial reasons to keep people from coming close.
How to heal this
It starts with taking responsibility for the pain that’s still there and the fear that’s there. That means realizing that ultimately nobody else but you can really hurt you and nobody else than you can really heal you. Once you take that responsibility, relationships can become incredible healing adventures.From there, you can also forgive the parts of you that are trying to protect you from getting hurt again. Of course they are. Thank them. Ask them what they might need from you to loosen their grip (maybe to choose who you open up to more wisely or to not engage in certain relationships for a time or to soothe them with a promise that you’ll always there with you, no matter what happens on the external). Give it to them. Gently open. Gently meet what pain is under the surface. Gently open some more. Gently meet what pain is under the surface. Keep going until you can stay open. (I guide you to do this for yourself in most healing sessions).
How Love Manifestation Month helps you heal
We’re taking a look at vulnerability, and how it connects both with shame and connection. We’re busting shame together. I’m equipping you with a slew of self-healing tools (inner child healing, safety + connection meditations, and more) so you can always take responsibility for healing yourself when you do get hurt.
Register Now.
Love Blocker #3: “I’m stuck in the past”
A big one for many of us, especially when we’re in the process of healing from a past relationship. Again, this is a very natural love blocker, but when you stay stuck here longer than needed it will block your chances for long-lasting love.
What this looks like
- Not letting go of someone
This might look like the cliché of mentioning your ex on your first date with someone new, like comparing anyone new to the love of your past or like idealizing an ex as “the one who got away”. These are all signs that your energy is still invested in the past relationship and there isn’t enough of you available for anything new.
- Making the same mistakes over and over
This version of having your energy stuck in the past is not so much connected to a specific person, but rather to your energy’s strategies for survival. Even if your conscious mind has moved on, your subconscious mind often tries to recreate situations to finally heal from them. This will look looping the same patterns over and over, such as dating the same type again and again or finding yourself in a codependent relationship again and again or always getting bored around the same specific time in the relationship…
How to heal this
A first step is to stop judging yourself for it and congratulate yourself for noticing it. From there, you can ask a simple question that can lead to profound healing: “What is this an opportunity for me to heal?” or “Where did I experience this the first time?”.Once you have your answer, you can work on healing it at the source. For instance, if you keep choosing unavailable men (and it’s familiar because your father made you feel like the center of the world when he was there, but was gone a lot), you can start working with the energy of your inner little girl who needs the healing.
How Love Manifestation Month helps you heal
There are two tools in particular that you will find particularly helpful if this is occurring for you: Cord cuttings and pulling your energy back. Cord cuttings will help you cut the old dynamics with people in both your present and your past. Pulling your energy back will help you gather all your energy in the present moment, so you don’t stay stuck in the past.
Get access to these tools by registering now.Love Blocker #4: “I’m afraid of losing my individuality or getting lost”
There’s a tension in relationships between wanting to be together and wanting space. Space leads to desire, togetherness leads to the feeling of love. Both are important and require different skills. This fear shows up when we’re not sure we can totally be ourselves in the relationship and remaining an individual within it.
What this looks like
- Not knowing or expressing yourself
This might look like not speaking up for your desires, always “yes dear”ing, or not even knowing your desires in the first place. Then, when your partner (or friend) is no longer around, you don’t even know what you like or don’t like anymore.
- Being easy to anger because boundaries are brittle
As there is a fear of getting lost in the other, there is an over-assertion of boundaries. That might look like having a short fuse whenever your opinion isn’t considered, or when something is decided for you.
How to heal this
This first requires the awareness and belief that you CAN, in fact retain your individuality within the relationship. It can be helpful to seek out examples of this – in your life or on TV to train your mirror neurons to see that it is possible.Next, working with body scan meditations or energy boundary meditations can be very helpful because you’ll be retraining yourself to be particularly attuned to your self and your relationship to the outside world.
How Love Manifestation Month addresses this
I am sharing with you all my best tools for this: Calling your power back, my favorite anger tool, cord cuttings and boundary healing, all so that you can have boundaries that are expressing love rather than protecting something you fear may be lost.
Register Now.
